i got this.
Sometimes I let my feelings get the better of me. I have an arsenal of excuses for this: I’m only human. I’m not perfect. I’m female. I’m pregnant. Need I go on? Like you, I realize how lame those excuses are, but isn’t it funny how we justify ourselves when we let our feelings rule our thinking? Feelings are rarely an accurate indicator of reality. I know that this is true, yet I either choose to ignore it or refuse to remember it. Whatever the case, it always leads to trouble and unnecessary tears. This is exactly what happened today.
I began to think about just how soon my precious twins will be here in my arms. We’re looking at 8-9 weeks tops! Am I ready for this?! I reminded myself of how often I fail as a wife and a parent, and convinced myself that I am utterly in adequate, grossly unprepared, and, in my estimation, the wrong person for this job. I concluded that I am in way over my head…which, of course, led to fear and worry. Why is it so easy to give into wrong thinking? Yes, I am inadequate. Yes, I am in way over my head. BUT, I must remember that He is sufficient, and that He is definitely not in over His head! Apart from Him, and His equipping, I am, without a doubt, the wrong person for this job, but He is the one who prepares us and makes us adequate to fulfill His calling.
He has intentionally chosen this for me. He chose Brooklyn and Chelsea, and He chose this particular place and time for their entrance into the world.
Acts 17:24-26, 28a “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’â€
What a privilege that He has also chosen William and I to be their parents. So, instead of my fear and worry, I should have a heart of joy and thankfulness. I am not ashamed of my complete and utter need of Him on a moment by moment basis. I would rather be here, in this place, at this time, than anywhere else that could possibly lead me to believe that I have it all together.
So, here is my confession: I don’t have it all together. I don’t have this! BUT, my capable and incomprehensible Lord does. I wouldn’t have it any other way. How thankful I am for His grace and His tenacity in refusing to leave me unmarked or unchanged.
Soli Deo Gloria.
